Oh so lovingly late. I was born a fashion icon, I tell ya!

[loony_moony]

So, after reading around 3 reviews, I give you mine! >:D

HBP, more commonly known as Half Blown Prick. Just kidding, I loved the book.

Harry, Harry, Harry. Can you possibly imagine a better way to spend your way through a book while alternately obssessing over Draco Malfoy and snogging Ginny Weasley's life out of her? (PLEASE DO, BTW) Because that's what you did! Well, aside for being your usual way. (you know, being stupid but oh-so powerful, don't we all know, hate Snape (OH, THE SUBTEXT), play Quiddich and get steeped in trouble, as you always like to). And don't think I haven't caught that "Quiddich Captain is the same status as Prefect HAHAH YOU COULD STILL BE HEAD BOY", but what does it matter when you set off on your own disastrous quest in the end of the book, by, you know, not returning to Hogwarts where you could possibly learn more about defensive and offensive magic. Because you won't get help from anyone but the Order now, you know, you silly thing.

But basically this book was all about the hormones, wasn't it? I mean, it was not remotely close to what teenagers are really like when they're Harry, Ron, Hermione or Ginny's age, but still, it was more hormonal than I could ever imagine JKR writing. Must be the PG rating, then. Although some of the descriptions were definitely bold. "snogging as if they were glued to one another"? "flapping like eels"?

Not to mention Harry's "scaly monster". Ladies and Gentlemen, Harry officially has a penis. xD

Aaaaah, but the UST! This book was UST HEAVEN! Think of the fic possibilities! Lucius/Narcissa (hahah they actually love each other, what a revelation. did you see that big pile of dust? Yeah, that was Cool-Cruel-with-BDSM!Lucius that just popped out of existence), Narcissa/Snape (you know it baby! the het pairing all hetters are SO going to HATE), Bellatrix/Snape (the official new smut-non-con pairing from now on), Blaise/Ginny (eeeee forbidden pairings yay! LOVED the tidbits about Blaise), Draco/Harry (not only she didn't finish off the pairing, she gave it an almighty BOOST by officially redeeming Draco! H/Ders are going to have a field day with post-series fics!), Snape/Harry (amanuensis1 said she thinks it's finally alive, and even though I disagree, when Amanuensis says this, you can betcha there's going to be an assload of good Snarry fics till Book 7), Won-Won/Lavender crackfics, small Parvati/Harry stuff (because it's going to be the new alternative pairing), Neville/Luna (So what is it with JKR when she debunks a pairing and then gives it a wonderful alibi?) and ooooh! Draco/Rosmerta! Because someone HAS to write it. ;D

So, New Book Theories And Characters.

• Horace Slughorn - He is like the fat version of Gilderoy Lockhart, isn't he. I think JKR very much enjoys writing her temporary DADA teachers, ever since book 1. And they all seem to have their own defining characteristics - Quirrell with his nervousness and the purple turban, Lockhart and his hair and vanity, Lupin with his shabby robes and being a werewolf, Moody with his looks and the fact he was fake, Umbridge with her toady face, her aweful hair bands and her sadist nature, and finally Slughorn with his big belly, lavish style and importance to the plot.
•  Dumbledore - Is definitely fallible. Is not as powerful, but still as knowledgeable and experienced. Is still a manipulative bastard. Is dead, and whose parting scene couldn't be a bigger polar to Sirius' anticlimactic death. The one thought I had when he died was "you bastard! Couldn't you teach Harry some DADA before you kicked the bucket?". Heh.
• Horcruxes. To tell you the truth, they don't sound nearly as scary, nor as wicked as the canonizing of Necormancy. I mean, they're horrible enough, but making them through killing people? I find that disappointingly unimaginative. The name's cool though.
• The Half Blood Prince. I knew it had to be either Dumbledore or Snape by the middle of the book. Think about it - do we know about another character who is a potion brewer more brilliant than Snape? (aside for the guy who invented the Wolfsbane Potion,  but he's woefully anonymous) I mean, look at it in this following perspective - Voldemort is again and again denied the DADA teaching post, at age 18 and 20-something. Snape, a Death Eater around 22, is made a young Potions Master. Now there's an impressive fact for you. The guy knows his shit, even if he is overly dramatic and woefully bad at acknowledging his equals and allies. I do find it utterly amusing that Snape, who continously makes Harry's Potions studies miserable, is the one who uncannily helps him not only to excel at his studies in face of a new teacher, but also to save his best friend's life. And "Sectusempra"? Did anyone else had a "Rictusempra" deja-vu when they read it?
• The new Minister. Well, at least it's not Fudge anymore. Otherwise I couldn't care less, but it seems that the Wizarding community is as bad as the British nation with choosing their Ministers. Come on! A second Barty Crouch? Good on you JKR with the political criticism. (and don't think I've missed the Blair cameo because I didn't ;))

The New Pairings -

1. Bill/Fleur - Omg they are so pretty! Omg they are so cool! Omg they are so vapid! Omg they couldn't be more one-dimentional than they already are! If it weren't for Ginny's "Phelgm" bit I'd be as interested in reading about them as those endless parts in GoF about Hagrid's Blast Ended Skrewts. The bit with Bill's face and Fleur's "mon dieu I am noot zuperfisial!" speech was nicely done though. Not in the sense of Bill looking like Mad Eye Moody though, because dammit! Can't we have ONE pretty male character that's not dead/mutilated? And no, Harry being "fanciable" and 6' tall is NOT ENOUGH. I need my pretty dammit! Continue with this and I SWEAR I shall find a way to get Orlando Bloom into this. GRRRRR. (I did have an interesting idea about Cillian Murphy playing young Tom Riddle, whereupon Siria degenerated into a capslock mess. Bwahahaha >:D)
2. Ron/Hermione - isn't that the worst written UST in the history of USTs? It's worse than Harry's scaly monster! My god! Stretching it and stretching it and stretching it till the point where I'm beyond the "I DON'T CARE! JUST STOP IT KTNX!" phase, and then stretching it some more....Gah. She should really lay off the American  romance movies.  I swear that at some point I could actually SEE Ron and Hermione being played by Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan. >_<
3. Harry/Ginny. Oh, URGH. URGH URGH URGH. Before I read the book, I wanted to post a small rant and say that deep inside me there's this unrelenting canon whore that even in the case of Harry/Ginny it shall grudgingly accept it. That little part too was nauseous beyond belief when I read the horribly SUGARY and alternately FRIGHTENINGLY PHALLIC parts about their dramatically cut-off romance, complete with "alas! we could never be together! we shall be woefully parted and angsty!" and "I have always loved you! You and me 2getha 4 eva!" statements of the like, and mercifully-cut-off snogging sessions. Even when she leans over Harry's LEGS I get stomach turbulance. I HATE THIS PAIRING DAMMIT. And now I just KNOW that when they shall be amazingly reunited after Harry finishes off Voldemort, they'll marry and have lots of sex and babies. siriaeve most unhelpfully added to this that they'll probably name their kids after James, Sirius and Lily, and have a dozen at least. At which point I basically wanted to DROP OFF THIS EARTH. URGH, MY EYES. SPORK SPORK.
4. Remus/Tonks - is, er, nice? I love Remus Lupin, and even though I don't find Tonks any less a Mary Sue than Ginny Weasley, she is more tolerable than her, and therefore a more tolareted other half to my favourite characters. They are sort of cute together, even though he is rather old for her. :/
5. Ron/Lavender - WON WON! And the bling she gave him! Oh this was PRICELESS! Love it. XD

Main Characters whom I haven't ranted about yet

Hermione - is indeed as fallible as she proved to be in OotP. I did cheer for her in the first DADA lesson when Snape finally let her speak. But 10 O.W.Ls. That's fantastic. :) Not that anyone expected any less. And she'll probably be Head Girl next year.

Ron - is a little slimy this book, isn't he. He really does fail the "best friend" test this time, not for having rifts with Harry, but simply for not being there for him.

Snape - yes, little Harry/Ginny shippers, for you he is EEEEVVOOOOL. For anyone else he is no less a good guy than he used to be, and for that his monologue in "Spinner's End" could vouch. Also, so much for Snape Mansion, AND for the theory that only Purebloods are Death Eaters. Snape yet again wins the "most enigmatic character" award in the series. I LOVED any parts he had in this book, even though I was very worried during the beginning the he indeed was going to die by the end of it.

Draco Malfoy - Is "Miss Redeemed" for year 1996. He is such a  clever, desperate, loyal, tall thing! *pinches his cheeks* Who finally made Harry look at him in a different way than hate? Who made Harry obssess over him in a way that puts even the kinkest H/D fic to shame? Who is going to be endlessly slashed with Harry again? Mah Dwakypoo of course! *cackles* Hello Post Hogwarts fics! You are kindly requested to pop in front of my eyes. :DDD

Whatshisnamegoogle McLaggen - is like Justin Finch Fletchy, only ev0l and even more pompeous.

Blaise Zabini - MORE YES PLEASE. Mmmmmmm. Okay, I concede. We do have a homme fatal in the series.

Conclusion

Next time, less with the Harry/Ginny, more with the plot. Love. :))