loony_moony

Okay. *squints* Everyone who hate Orlando Bloom, please stand up. Don't be shy! I know at least SOME of you FREAKS hate him, this pretty face thing that hasn't done anything bad in his life but nancying around in a blond wig and blabbing about his Back Injury Of Doom to Vogue magazine over and over again.

I mean, what has the poor guy done to you that you hate him so? Yes, he doesn't exactly excel in the facial expression criteria, but he has a sexy voice! And excuse me to assume that many of Alan Rickman's fangirls (and fanboys! They can be taught, as I have proven! ;D) don't exactly fancy him for his looks.

In my account, Bloomster Haters are either of these categories:

1. Poor, Misguided People Who Hate Him Because He Looks Good -
example:
Person 1 - "Did you see that Orlando Bloom guy? Isn't he GORGEOUS?"
Person 2 - "Are you BLIND? That guy looks like a mouse grown on onions! AND he stinks!"
Person 1 - "So who are you drooling on today then?"
Person 2 - "Isn't it obvious? Michael Moore of course! DAMN he's hot!"

HA.

2. Poor, Misguided People Who Hate Him Because He Ruined Legolas/Paris/Whatever Their Dull Minds Could Come Up With -

Okay, so you people? HAVE COMPLETELY FORGOTTEN TO STAND IN LINE FOR LOGIC UP THERE. Because yeah, HE MAKES UP ALL HIS LINES IN THE MOVIES. He CHOSE to say "a red sun rises, blood has been spilled this night" or "a diversion!" (aka Worst Character Lines Ever), because he has MIND CONTROL over THE SCRIPTWRITERS. WHO ACTUALLY WRITE HIS LINES YOU KNOW.
And of course he isn't playing OBSCURE CHARACTERS, oh not at all. It's not as if he was born with the knowledge of how to play a 3,000 year old ELF who spends half the time shooting things down, and half the time staring into the distance, thinking who knows WHAT. Oh yeah, AND he's asexual. With a disturbing tendency to ride on a horse wth a dwarf pressed to his lower back. Or a dumb Trojan prince who for some stupid reason steals a pretty girl thus starting the biggest war the old world has ever known. A lot of work to do on THAT.

HAHA.

3. Poor, Misguided People Who Hate Him Because They Like Manly Men (Or Manly Women) -

What are YOU yowling about? Watch Aragorn or Boromir instead! Or possibly Keira Knightly because damn that girl has some testosterone running in that skinny tomboy body of hers and her control-freakish persona.

HAHAHA.

4. Poor, Misguided People Who Hate Him For No Apparent Reason -

You are losers. Get a life.

HAHAHAHA.

And thus I end my rant! >:)