(no subject)
Oct. 21st, 2003 01:15 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
loony_moonySo tonight I got an interesting phonecall. (other than the long conversation me and ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
mimbulus had ;)) It seems someone has given me VIP passes for a special party as a birthday present in one of the hottest clubs in the country. The woman who informed me that said I'd be mailed the invitations if I promised to come there. Obviously I couldn't promise her because well, it's my birthday and my family's taking me to a very posh restaurant as it is (they have good margaritas and I want them :D). But it did raise some questions:
1. I go clubbing very rarely. My friends are such geeks, they don't club regularly as well. Who the hell knows me good enough to remember my birthday AND have inner connections in a hot club like that?
2. Why the hell was I given the invitations if that person probably knows I don't club?
Er.
*shrugs* I'd probably see if I can arrange a group date and perhaps I'll club for once in a while. Eh.
So anyway, today is Viggo "I am sex incarnated as Aragorn" Mortensen's birthday, and I'm spamming in his honour!
Spamity spam proceeds!
Warning: You might be experiencing frothing at the mouth and perhaps a twist in your panties by the end of it, don't say I didn't warn you!
Aragorn: "Legolas, what are you DOING with that soap bar?"
Legolas: "Not all of us look sexier when we're dirty, you know. I'm merely cleansing myself."
Aragorn: "But.....Valar, I'm sure a soap bar isn't supposed to be used in THAT angle. Eru....*covers face*...talking about lewd...."
Arwen: "Why do you fear the past? You are Isildur's heir, not Isildur himself. You're not bound to his fate."
Aragorn: "Same blood flows through my veins. Same weakness."
Arwen: "You will face the same evil, and YOU will defeat it. Otherwise I wouldn't have had any reason at all to stay a virgin for 6000 years, you git."
Aragorn: *shrugs* "And you know, Isildur also didn't have Viagra."
Aragorn: "No! Don't film my whole face, it's HIDEOUS!"
Legolas: "It's not hideous, it's just LIPSTICK!"
Aragorn: "And you HAD to use the one with "trashy whore" written on top of it, didn't you, you elfy twit!"
Legolas: "I might inform you that this lipstick got me in many good intriguing situations, you know!"
Aragorn: "Oh yeah, and what did you do, stare blankly at them? Everyone knows you don't put out you prune Teleri."
Legolas: "This is no mere ranger. He is Aragorn, son of Arathorn. You owe him your allegiance."
Aragorn: "no Boromir, don't say it, please don't say it..."
Boromir: "Aragorn? This is Isildur's Heir? Impossible. He got off at least 4 times last night."
Elrond: "He did WHAT?"
Aragorn: *headstonetabletwithRingonit*
Arwen: *faints*
Aragorn: *smirks at Arwen*
Arwen: *glares* *mouths at him: "You'd better give me some when you get back or there won't BE another Heir to Isildur"*
Aragorn: *smirk widens* *mouths back: "Keep wishing, elf princess."*
Arwen: *turns away, infuriated* "Really, this is worse than at Galadriel's. At least THERE nobody shagged anybody like bunnies all the time."
Elrond: "You know it's only because they were all frightened of her eyes. And Celeborn's horniness."
Aragorn: "I smell a moment when I can kick ass with my phallic symbol. Oh yes."
Boromir: "You said the same thing last night. Meh."
Aragorn: :-P
Aragorn: "Oh my god. Who needs a room filled with mithril dildos, for Valar's sake?"
Gandalf: "That's Saruman's private stash. Nifty little things, mithril dildos."
Aragorn: *looks faintly ill* "I really, really don't want to know."
Gandalf: *continues obliviously* "Did you know that mithril is the only known metal to please a Maia? I bet you didn't."
Aragorn: *gags*
Boromir: *falls*
Gandalf: "Oops."
Aragorn: "Really Haldir. There's no reason letting Frodo in your Lorien orgy just because he has an evil buttplug. It's not your size anyway."
Sam: "WE ARE NOT GOING TO USE THE FRIGGIN' *ONE RING* AS A BUTTPLUG, YOU UNDERSTAND THAT YOU KINGLY TWERP?"
Pippin and Merry: *look away decidedly*
Aragorn: "Really Gimli, that is not well mannered to wank off to elven music. Specially when they are keening about Gandalf's great endowement and legendary stamina."
Legolas: "Aragorn, nath no ennas."
Aragorn: "..."
Legolas: "For Valar sake, Aragorn, will you dress back already?"
Aragorn: "But Legolaaaaaas, you didn't solve my problem!"
Gandalf: "Tahdah! Anyone talked about Solving A Problem?"
Aragorn: "Give a man a warning before you do that, dammit! Where are my sunglasses?"
Aragorn: "So you say you stroke the Balrog with a lightning bolt in the middle of a blowjob? Very creative!"
Gandalf: "Yes, I thought so too. Was rather ingenious of me actually, as I hated doing sexual favours to that thing. Honestly, smokey come isn't one of my fantasies."
Aragorn: *tiredly* "Legolas, please dress back. I don't think the Rohan soldiers thought about a striptease when they were talking about a moral boost."
Rohan Soldiers: *COUGH COUGH*
Aragorn: "OY."
Gimli: "Horse fucking perverts, the whole lot of them." *covers Legolas with a chainmail*
Aragorn: "I mean it Legolas! No one wants to see your Galadriel impression! The Celeborn one was bad enough!"
Legolas: "It's the same impression actually."
Aragorn: "I KNOW."
And you know what's frightening? I actually wrote this spam in half an hour. My mind frightens me sometimes.
Edit: I think someone has copied 90% of my Interests list to her own livejournal. Yes, even those who aren't so vastly popular. How weird is that?
mimbulus had ;)) It seems someone has given me VIP passes for a special party as a birthday present in one of the hottest clubs in the country. The woman who informed me that said I'd be mailed the invitations if I promised to come there. Obviously I couldn't promise her because well, it's my birthday and my family's taking me to a very posh restaurant as it is (they have good margaritas and I want them :D). But it did raise some questions:1. I go clubbing very rarely. My friends are such geeks, they don't club regularly as well. Who the hell knows me good enough to remember my birthday AND have inner connections in a hot club like that?
2. Why the hell was I given the invitations if that person probably knows I don't club?
Er.
*shrugs* I'd probably see if I can arrange a group date and perhaps I'll club for once in a while. Eh.
So anyway, today is Viggo "I am sex incarnated as Aragorn" Mortensen's birthday, and I'm spamming in his honour!
Spamity spam proceeds!
Warning: You might be experiencing frothing at the mouth and perhaps a twist in your panties by the end of it, don't say I didn't warn you!
Aragorn: "Legolas, what are you DOING with that soap bar?"
Legolas: "Not all of us look sexier when we're dirty, you know. I'm merely cleansing myself."
Aragorn: "But.....Valar, I'm sure a soap bar isn't supposed to be used in THAT angle. Eru....*covers face*...talking about lewd...."
Arwen: "Why do you fear the past? You are Isildur's heir, not Isildur himself. You're not bound to his fate."
Aragorn: "Same blood flows through my veins. Same weakness."
Arwen: "You will face the same evil, and YOU will defeat it. Otherwise I wouldn't have had any reason at all to stay a virgin for 6000 years, you git."
Aragorn: *shrugs* "And you know, Isildur also didn't have Viagra."
Aragorn: "No! Don't film my whole face, it's HIDEOUS!"
Legolas: "It's not hideous, it's just LIPSTICK!"
Aragorn: "And you HAD to use the one with "trashy whore" written on top of it, didn't you, you elfy twit!"
Legolas: "I might inform you that this lipstick got me in many good intriguing situations, you know!"
Aragorn: "Oh yeah, and what did you do, stare blankly at them? Everyone knows you don't put out you prune Teleri."
Legolas: "This is no mere ranger. He is Aragorn, son of Arathorn. You owe him your allegiance."
Aragorn: "no Boromir, don't say it, please don't say it..."
Boromir: "Aragorn? This is Isildur's Heir? Impossible. He got off at least 4 times last night."
Elrond: "He did WHAT?"
Aragorn: *headstonetabletwithRingonit*
Arwen: *faints*
Aragorn: *smirks at Arwen*
Arwen: *glares* *mouths at him: "You'd better give me some when you get back or there won't BE another Heir to Isildur"*
Aragorn: *smirk widens* *mouths back: "Keep wishing, elf princess."*
Arwen: *turns away, infuriated* "Really, this is worse than at Galadriel's. At least THERE nobody shagged anybody like bunnies all the time."
Elrond: "You know it's only because they were all frightened of her eyes. And Celeborn's horniness."
Aragorn: "I smell a moment when I can kick ass with my phallic symbol. Oh yes."
Boromir: "You said the same thing last night. Meh."
Aragorn: :-P
Aragorn: "Oh my god. Who needs a room filled with mithril dildos, for Valar's sake?"
Gandalf: "That's Saruman's private stash. Nifty little things, mithril dildos."
Aragorn: *looks faintly ill* "I really, really don't want to know."
Gandalf: *continues obliviously* "Did you know that mithril is the only known metal to please a Maia? I bet you didn't."
Aragorn: *gags*
Boromir: *falls*
Gandalf: "Oops."
Aragorn: "Really Haldir. There's no reason letting Frodo in your Lorien orgy just because he has an evil buttplug. It's not your size anyway."
Sam: "WE ARE NOT GOING TO USE THE FRIGGIN' *ONE RING* AS A BUTTPLUG, YOU UNDERSTAND THAT YOU KINGLY TWERP?"
Pippin and Merry: *look away decidedly*
Aragorn: "Really Gimli, that is not well mannered to wank off to elven music. Specially when they are keening about Gandalf's great endowement and legendary stamina."
Legolas: "Aragorn, nath no ennas."
Aragorn: "..."
Legolas: "For Valar sake, Aragorn, will you dress back already?"
Aragorn: "But Legolaaaaaas, you didn't solve my problem!"
Gandalf: "Tahdah! Anyone talked about Solving A Problem?"
Aragorn: "Give a man a warning before you do that, dammit! Where are my sunglasses?"
Aragorn: "So you say you stroke the Balrog with a lightning bolt in the middle of a blowjob? Very creative!"
Gandalf: "Yes, I thought so too. Was rather ingenious of me actually, as I hated doing sexual favours to that thing. Honestly, smokey come isn't one of my fantasies."
Aragorn: *tiredly* "Legolas, please dress back. I don't think the Rohan soldiers thought about a striptease when they were talking about a moral boost."
Rohan Soldiers: *COUGH COUGH*
Aragorn: "OY."
Gimli: "Horse fucking perverts, the whole lot of them." *covers Legolas with a chainmail*
Aragorn: "I mean it Legolas! No one wants to see your Galadriel impression! The Celeborn one was bad enough!"
Legolas: "It's the same impression actually."
Aragorn: "I KNOW."
And you know what's frightening? I actually wrote this spam in half an hour. My mind frightens me sometimes.
Edit: I think someone has copied 90% of my Interests list to her own livejournal. Yes, even those who aren't so vastly popular. How weird is that?
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2003-10-21 06:57 am (UTC)All before 8am.
Thank you.
No. Really.
no subject
Date: 2003-10-21 11:19 am (UTC)So...is the Legolas in your head is the book's Legolas then? ;D
no subject
Date: 2003-10-21 11:25 am (UTC)As for Mithril dildos, I can deal with that image, though one might wonder if they would rust if not cared for properly...
no subject
Date: 2003-10-21 11:32 am (UTC)I don't think they would rust, but you can't pierce them though, it appears. Bahaha.
no subject
Date: 2003-10-21 11:36 am (UTC)And why would you pierce such a dildo, when you could always have it crafted with an inbuilt piercing to begin with? :)
no subject
Date: 2003-10-21 11:45 am (UTC)Nah, it doesn't look good if it's from the same metal. I can't believe I'm discussing this. >:D
no subject
Date: 2003-10-21 11:52 am (UTC)In that case, you could always get one of the rings of power inbuilt into it. Perhaps the one Elrond has - gold and red would look so nice offset against silver :D And we really will meet in hell, won't we, my dear? :D Where I will treat you to a cola and a discussion of slash ;)
no subject
Date: 2003-10-21 11:57 am (UTC)*dies laughing* You just reminded me something about my Italy trip. When I was in Pompei, I had a tour guide who kept saying "so they painted by yellow and red so don't get claustrophobic in winter" about every second wall or so. Elrond needs violently Gryffindoric coloured dildo? I didn't know. ;D
If my picspams didn't merit a 6th degree in Hell already, the abuse of Tolkien's material will. The cola will have to be post coital as I already have the jacuzzi and Orlando booked for the minute I arrive. :D
no subject
Date: 2003-10-21 11:59 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-10-21 12:02 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-10-21 12:03 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-10-21 01:09 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-10-21 01:13 pm (UTC)