or else I'll just go back to watching "Bones", people

[loony_moony]

On my way to a sugar coma, content and just read some very satisfying, funny-hot J2 porn.

Gimme some J2 prompts and I'll give you drabbles! (Misha is also accepted)

Moonay out.

ETA: DONE! No more prompts, ktnx! <3

ETA 2: Drabble list! (they're really more like ficlets than drabbles, but whatever)

Misha is a ranch hand in Jared and Jensen's farm (Jared/Jensen)

Misha is the prissiest bitch in West Hollywood with a Jamba Juice boner (Jared/Jensen, Misha/James Franco, Misha/Jared/Jensen)

Jensen hears scary noises at night! (Jared/Jensen)

Jared and Jensen are high and stupid (gen)

Swashbuckling-Pirate!Jared/Drive-Thru!Jensen (yes, what you've read)

Comments

[wanttobeatree.livejournal.com]

OH HO HO. WHAT UP MOONY. I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS.

J2 BABYFIC W/ BONUS AWESOME DANNEEL.

GO. :D

[wanttobeatree.livejournal.com]

OKAY FINE NO BABYFIC.

UMMM.

JARED IS A SWASHBUCKLING PIRATE. JENSEN WORKS AT A DRIVE THRU AND SPENDS A LOT OF TIME BITCHING ABOUT IT BECAUSE HE'S IN THIRTIES HE SHOULD HAVE SOME DIGNITY DAMMIT.

[loony-moony.livejournal.com]

(NOW WITH BONUS AWESOME!DANNEEL)

"So the other day, I'm going to this wedding, yeah? This girl I knew from highschool, and she's marrying this gorgeous girl. They have a kid on the way, and they're both lawyers or something, and they make about 500K a year. And all the time, I'm thinking to myself: my god. I'm such a loser. A pair of pregnant lesbians in a seriously fucking sexist profession is more successful than I am. What the fuck is wrong with me? What?"

Danneel stops massaging her temples to give him a baleful look. "Maybe if you'd stop bitching at 9am in the morning, you'd have more energy to, I dunno, get a life? Get laid? Get off my damn back?"

Jensen sighs. Dramatically. His life sucks and he's going to serve heart attacks in non-recyclable boxes for the rest of his life.

"AHAAAAAA!"

Jensen and Danneel both jump.

There's a guy on a huge black motorcycle, wearing a pirate costume. What the fuck?

"I AM THE DREAD PIRATE ROBERTS! THERE WILL BE NO SURVIVORS!"

Jensen squints at him. He's actually really hot. And insane. Or high.

Danneel heaves a sigh. "Dude, the drug dealer is on the other side of this place. Get your fix and fuck off."

"AAAAAAH, BUT I'M NOT HERE FOR THE PERUVIAN MONKEY, MELADY. I'M HERE TO PILLAGE AND LOOT!"

"You're here to rob us?" Jensen frowns at him. The Roberts dude has like, a sword, and it looks plastic.

"WHY YES I AM, MY HANDSOME GALLANT. I SHALL CLAIM YOU AS MY LOOT!"

"I don't think that's a correct use of that word."

"I CARE NOT. COME WITH ME, YOUNG MAN, AND BE MY CABIN BOY."

Danneel bursts out laughing. "Dude, that has got to be, like, the worst come-on I've ever seen in my life," but Jensen is busy staring at the guy up and down, taking in the expanse of shiny black leather that seems to mold to they guy's very, very well-built form, and hey, the motorcycle's got to be expensive, right?

He shrugs. "Sure."

Danneel gapes at him. "What the fuck, Jensen?"

Jensen takes off his apron and cap. "Hey, I'm thirty years old, and I'm selling people industrialized deep-fried food. Anything's gotta be better than this." He goes out from the side entrance, and hops on the morotcycle behind the Roberts guy.

"SO LONG, MY FAIR LADY. MAY YOU FIND A FINE PIRATE OF YOUR OWN ONE DAY." The guy waves his sword at her, then leans back to Jensen and whispers "I'm Jared, by the way."

"Jensen."

[wanttobeatree.livejournal.com]

asdsfhjgskdsasgfkhfgdfsd

DYING.

[loony-moony.livejournal.com]

HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAA I FINALLY DID IT!

[poor-choices.livejournal.com]

J2 cowboys with ranchhand misha?

:D?

[loony-moony.livejournal.com]

This is not the weirdest situation Misha's ever been in.

Granted, working at a farm run by two guys who are gay for each other is not exactly common, but hey, Misha was once threatened by a midget holding a dead fish. He's seen a thing or two.

Jared tells him on his first day that the farm has only two main rules: first rule is to keep an open mind. Second rule is to take his job seriously. Misha thinks those rules are about the gay and the drinking. As it turns out, they're actually about the annual karaoke tournament, and the Xbox duels Jared challenges him to, when he gets the biggest, burliest fucking ox in the herd to eat out of his fucking hand. And maybe he shouldn't have crowed about it quite so much, but dammit, Misha's awesome. That bull was a menace before he came.

He's been working with Jared and Jensen for a year when they tell him they're getting married. Misha blinks, then asks who will wear the dress. Jensen smirks and pulls out a box out, saying will you be the maid of honour?

Misha ponders, then asks, do I get matching shoes with that?

Jared and Jensen gape in response.

[memphis86.livejournal.com]

MISHA MISHA MISHA. Ummmm, Misha has Jared and Jensen for bodyguards and he wants to go buy a Jamba Juice in West Hollywood.

[loony-moony.livejournal.com]

(oh man I made him into a prissy bitch. sorry!)

It's not Misha's fault he's hot, okay. It's not his fault he's making damn good money out of being Hollywood's new golden indie man. And by the way, it's not his fault he's gay either. It's all genes and fate and some damn good agent work. And besides, if Zachary fucking Quinto can go to gay bars and still be a pointy-eared fucker who makes out with women onscreen, then Misha can absolutely be the Coen-Brothers-Judd-Apatow-muse who goes to Jamba Juice and flutters his eyelashes at the hot baristas who have cocks.

So his agent got him bodyguards. Apparently, Misha can't go anywhere in West Hollywood without being jumped by fanboys anymore. It's what happens when one makes out with Taylor Kitsch on an Oscar-buzzing movie about two gay guys in a ballet company during WWII. The bodyguards can peel the fanboys off of him, and keep the paps at bay.

Just, maybe not these bodyguards. Yes, they're smart and they're trained, and like, know ninja moves or something. But they're so goddamn alluringly pretty (yes, that's how Misha thinks of them. He does have eyes), and like, big and muscled with sexy frowny faces, he's actually getting more stalkerazzis when they're with him, and what the fuck? He goes to his Jamba Juice place and the baristas actually ask for their numbers. And like, the other day, James Franco totally cornered him in a dark corner of the hottest VIP section in town and started asking about them while Misha was giving him a handjob. How is this fair?

So Misha does the only thing he could think of. He invites them over and propositions them. They accept. It's the hottest sex he's ever had. He actually thinks the shorter one of the two (Jensen, that's apparently how he's called) might've been made for bottoming. He's like genetically engineered to look pretty and make those goddamn hot noises he does while Misha fucks him into the mattress or something. The taller one is called Jared, and he folds Misha into a pretzel and fucks his brains out. It's seriously awesome.

So Misha decides, fuck those baristas in Jamba Juice. Jared and Jensen are his, and they're staying his. Nyah.

[memphis86.livejournal.com]

LOOOOOOOOL FOREVER!!

[hkath.livejournal.com]

PROMPTFACE: scary noises at night!

[loony-moony.livejournal.com]

The first time it happens, Jensen wakes up, thinks he imagined something, and falls right back to sleep.

Ten minutes later, it happens again.

This scratchy noise that makes the hair in the back of his neck stand. He raises his head from the bed, still sleep-fogged, and sees his door closed. He listens a little closer, but it's definitely not a dog sctraching to be let in. One look at his clock affirms that at this point, ths dogs are probably still two or three cat-chasing dreams away from waking and rushing up to Jared's room. So what the fuck is doing this noise? He grabs for his glasses, scans the floor, the walls, the windows, but nothing. His room is clear.

Then the noise happens again. It's louder and sharper and what the fucking fuck's happening? A million implausible scenarios rush through his mind about the possible source of the noise, starting with a horde of termites about to cave Jared's bedroom over him, and ending with someone cracking and giving the fangirls the house address, and Jensen's about to be stabbed to death by a Samgirl on a vengeance spree.

He shakes his head, gingerly climbs off his bed and goes to grab a glass of water at the kitchen. Maybe the noise will stop.

He's back in his room a couple minutes later, and it's blissful silence. Jensen gets into his bed with a sigh, draws the blanket over his head, takes off his glasses and closes his eyes. But he can't fall asleep. He's waiting.

And then it goes again! What the fuck is that? No, seriously. If this house is haunted and he's about to be flayed limb from limb by a vengeful spirit, it would be the most ironic fucking bloody homicide in history. Jensen rushes off his bed, out the door and up the stairs to Jared's room.

Of course, the fucker sleeps like the dead. Jared's so damn energetic during the day he might as well go meep meep while at it, but when he's asleep? You could do nuclear tests outside his house and he'd still be dreaming about a big treadmill winning at Wii and stealing his candy, or whatever the fuck he dreams about. Jensen tries to wake him up a couple of times, and instead succeeds at ending up in Jared's bed, with Jared wrapped around him like a damn snuggie. And dammit, he's falling back to sleep.

In the morning, Jensen wakes up to Jared's alarm, and Jared snuffling into his neck like a dog, making don't want to noises. He thumps the clock down, and settles back into the warmth.

"Mmmmmm, knew it would work."

No. He did not. He absolutely, positively did not.

"Jared."

"Shh. Back to sleep. Sleep good, noises bad."

Oh, that motherfucker.

"Jared, if you made those noises, I'm going to murder you slowly."

Jared's smiling into his neck. Jensen can feel his lips stretching. "Sure you will. After you untangle my arms from you."

What? His arms are...oh. Oh. "Okay, afterwards. Doom and destruction."

Jared yawns into his shoulder, snuffles some more. "Doom and destruction."

Jensen closes his eyes.

[hkath.livejournal.com]

Heee, sneaky Jared! This was awesome, esp. this bit: Jared's so damn energetic during the day he might as well go meep meep while at it - SO TRUE, LOL. Now I kinda want Road Runner/Coyote fic ;)

[arabella-hope.livejournal.com]

BILL & TED J2 STYLE. POSSIBLE MISHA = RUFUS OR MISHA = HISTORICAL WACKJOB.

[loony-moony.livejournal.com]

UGH UGH NEVER SEEN THAT MOVIE. D: ANOTHER PROMPT PRETTY PLEASE?

[arabella-hope.livejournal.com]

POO.

Um. How about just boys getting stupid and high? That's kinda the same.

[loony-moony.livejournal.com]

(SURE!)

"Jared. Jared. Hey, Jared."

"Whaaaaaaaaaat."

"So, I've been thinking." Jared groans. This never ends well, and he's too fucking high to tell Jensen to shut up.

"Jared. I've been thinking. You know, I always wanted to surf."

Jared blinks. Really slowly. "Surf what?"

"What do you mean, what?"

"What I said, douchenozzle."

"What are the other options for surf other than water?"

"The internet", Jared ticks a finger, "snow", wow his fingers are fascinating, "turf?"

Jensen guffaws. Like, he guffaws like a fucking something that makes that noise.

"No, silly. I mean, I wanna surf. Now."

"Now?"

"'Swhat I said. I wanna surf. Let's go surfing, Jared."

"Jensen. It's Vancouver. It's winter. We can't surf."

Jensen curls into himself, makes an unhappy little noise. "Not fair. Wanna surf." He pouts.

"Hey," says Jared. "What if we surf down the stairs?"

[arabella-hope.livejournal.com]

EEEE, so perfect! I'm sure they are just that dorktastic in real life <333