True Blood 4x05 - Vikings vs Livejournal
Jul. 26th, 2011 12:44 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
loony_moonyI wanted to do a spoilery poll this week, but since ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
regala_electra is the queen of all lulzy True Blood polls, I couldn't think of a single question about Eric Northman in which the answers didn't end in "AND THEN, YOU FUCK HIM", or a series of sarcastic jokes that wouldn't be nearly as funny as hers.
1. GOOD RIDDANCE TO THE MICKENSES. Dear god they should've never happened to this show in the first place. NOW THEY CAN KILL OFF TOMMY AS WELL and we can all forget his storyline ever happened.
2. SO.
Leaving Marnie alone with her candles in the woods and forsaking her stupid fucking coven: GOOD DECISION.
HOWEVER.
Leaving Marnie alone with her candles in the wood and forsaking her stupid fucking coven to go to Mexico with your hot and crazy boyfriend to rejoin his scary voodoo grandfather who's ffs BREEDING STILL (because moving to Fiji obviously wouldn't work DUH WHAT WAS I THINKING): WTF LAFAYETTE HOW COULD THIS POSSIBLY END WELL.
I'm calling it now: Jesus is a goner.
3. Aw, Eric had a Scary Godric Dream! And somehow in his dream, Godric looks like he did in Dallas but behaves probably the same way he did for thousands of years before going all Ghandi. So Eric needs comforting and spooning and IDK MY BFF SOOKIE WILL YOU HOLD MEEEEEEE? And then Sookie, because she is SO, SO MUCH DUMBER in the series than in the books (seriously you guys, it took her AGES in book 4 to actually go beyond "vampires and the humans who hide them (with benefits)" to "okay, brushing Eric Northman's hair in some sort of Aryan Norman Rockwell idyllic bliss might not make me throw up in my mouth", whereas in the series it took her TWO FUCKING DAYS), SPOONS ERIC FUCKING NORTHMAN AS IF HE'S STILL IN GRADE SCHOOL. You do not spoon a thousand year old Viking vampire just because he had a bad dream. No, not even if he just splashed around in your 'gator pond and wanted to play Nordic Sea Gods Killing All The Sea Monsters with you earlier that day.
3.5. That strings swelling to her calling Eric back for kissing tiems later in the episode was SO BAD. I couldn't even focus on how Beel-ish they're making Eric AGAIN because the music was THAT BAD.
This is Tom Hardy reenacting my opinion about many, many things in True Blood right now:
4. OMG JASON STACKHOUSE HOW IS THIS YOUR LIFE. I swear, when he had his little threesome sex dream, I was like man, True Blood's writers have GOT to stop getting stoned and watch Rocky Horror Picture Show. JASON! JESSICA! HOYT!
4.5. Btw, what is it with eating only the right half of all your pancakes, Jason Stackhouse?
5. Hoyt and Jessica's disintegrating relationship HURTS MY SOUL. D:
6. Omg did Portia Bellefleur seriously try to make a legal case for committing incest with her great great great great grandfather? LMAO WHAT IS THIS SUPERNATURAL MADNESS.
6.5. And of course, Keeng Beel handles it with his usual aplomb and tenacity by glamoring her to SCREAM WHENEVER SHE SEES HIM. Oh, Keeng Beel. You are so subtle.
6.75. Btw, that bodyguard leaving the room when Portia entered was TOTALLY playing "Plants vs Zombies". I know this because I've been completely addicted to "Plants vs Zombies" this summer, and that crunching sound was the sound ofPam om nomming Marnie's braaaaainz a zombie chomping on a plant.
7. Dear me, Pam looks like an extra from "The Walking Dead". AWESOME. And yet, not so awesome because PAM. D:
7.5. Man, did Pam screw up this episode.
7.75. Which, consequently, means Sookie is about to get into deep shit with Keeng Beel.
8. WHAT IS UP WITH LAFAYETTE'S HAIR. First he has the world's most horrific mohawk, now he looks like Seal circa 1992, minus the auto-immune skin disease.
9. Lol Tara-sorry-TONI, you are so fucked, and not in the good hot lesbian way.
10. LMAO TOMMY MICKENS ATE HIS PARENTS AS AN ALLIGATOR. OH MY GOD WHY ARE THEY STILL PURSUING TOMMY MICKENS' EXISTENCE.
11. Oh, Reverend Daniels and Lettie Mae, WHAT IS THIS BATPIST LULZ.
11.5. If Terry Bellefleur dies in that devilry-spawned fire, I WILL CUT FICTIONAL GHOSTLY RENE'S FACE SLOWLY. Because Terry Bellefleur is the single most precious character on this show and I ADORE HIM.
12. Go Grannie Stackhouse! You bamf ghost. :D
13. Oh god, ANOTHER bizarre flashback scene? What ridiculous nonsense.
13.5. Keeng Beel's speech about the vampire history. LOL. Google and Faux "News"? Why not Halliburton and Facebook?
13.75. That said, capturing Marnie was smartly done, even if they've got her as a ghost prisoner. IDK IDK when that sorceress comes back into her, she's gonna eviscerate Keeng Beel's little palace.
14. I like Louis the Sheriff. He will probably die, then. Meh.
15. What's with the Chihuahua Jesus' grandfather had?
regala_electra is the queen of all lulzy True Blood polls, I couldn't think of a single question about Eric Northman in which the answers didn't end in "AND THEN, YOU FUCK HIM", or a series of sarcastic jokes that wouldn't be nearly as funny as hers.1. GOOD RIDDANCE TO THE MICKENSES. Dear god they should've never happened to this show in the first place. NOW THEY CAN KILL OFF TOMMY AS WELL and we can all forget his storyline ever happened.
2. SO.
Leaving Marnie alone with her candles in the woods and forsaking her stupid fucking coven: GOOD DECISION.
HOWEVER.
Leaving Marnie alone with her candles in the wood and forsaking her stupid fucking coven to go to Mexico with your hot and crazy boyfriend to rejoin his scary voodoo grandfather who's ffs BREEDING STILL (because moving to Fiji obviously wouldn't work DUH WHAT WAS I THINKING): WTF LAFAYETTE HOW COULD THIS POSSIBLY END WELL.
I'm calling it now: Jesus is a goner.
3. Aw, Eric had a Scary Godric Dream! And somehow in his dream, Godric looks like he did in Dallas but behaves probably the same way he did for thousands of years before going all Ghandi. So Eric needs comforting and spooning and IDK MY BFF SOOKIE WILL YOU HOLD MEEEEEEE? And then Sookie, because she is SO, SO MUCH DUMBER in the series than in the books (seriously you guys, it took her AGES in book 4 to actually go beyond "vampires and the humans who hide them (with benefits)" to "okay, brushing Eric Northman's hair in some sort of Aryan Norman Rockwell idyllic bliss might not make me throw up in my mouth", whereas in the series it took her TWO FUCKING DAYS), SPOONS ERIC FUCKING NORTHMAN AS IF HE'S STILL IN GRADE SCHOOL. You do not spoon a thousand year old Viking vampire just because he had a bad dream. No, not even if he just splashed around in your 'gator pond and wanted to play Nordic Sea Gods Killing All The Sea Monsters with you earlier that day.
3.5. That strings swelling to her calling Eric back for kissing tiems later in the episode was SO BAD. I couldn't even focus on how Beel-ish they're making Eric AGAIN because the music was THAT BAD.
This is Tom Hardy reenacting my opinion about many, many things in True Blood right now:
4. OMG JASON STACKHOUSE HOW IS THIS YOUR LIFE. I swear, when he had his little threesome sex dream, I was like man, True Blood's writers have GOT to stop getting stoned and watch Rocky Horror Picture Show. JASON! JESSICA! HOYT!
4.5. Btw, what is it with eating only the right half of all your pancakes, Jason Stackhouse?
5. Hoyt and Jessica's disintegrating relationship HURTS MY SOUL. D:
6. Omg did Portia Bellefleur seriously try to make a legal case for committing incest with her great great great great grandfather? LMAO WHAT IS THIS SUPERNATURAL MADNESS.
6.5. And of course, Keeng Beel handles it with his usual aplomb and tenacity by glamoring her to SCREAM WHENEVER SHE SEES HIM. Oh, Keeng Beel. You are so subtle.
6.75. Btw, that bodyguard leaving the room when Portia entered was TOTALLY playing "Plants vs Zombies". I know this because I've been completely addicted to "Plants vs Zombies" this summer, and that crunching sound was the sound of
7. Dear me, Pam looks like an extra from "The Walking Dead". AWESOME. And yet, not so awesome because PAM. D:
7.5. Man, did Pam screw up this episode.
7.75. Which, consequently, means Sookie is about to get into deep shit with Keeng Beel.
8. WHAT IS UP WITH LAFAYETTE'S HAIR. First he has the world's most horrific mohawk, now he looks like Seal circa 1992, minus the auto-immune skin disease.
9. Lol Tara-sorry-TONI, you are so fucked, and not in the good hot lesbian way.
10. LMAO TOMMY MICKENS ATE HIS PARENTS AS AN ALLIGATOR. OH MY GOD WHY ARE THEY STILL PURSUING TOMMY MICKENS' EXISTENCE.
11. Oh, Reverend Daniels and Lettie Mae, WHAT IS THIS BATPIST LULZ.
11.5. If Terry Bellefleur dies in that devilry-spawned fire, I WILL CUT FICTIONAL GHOSTLY RENE'S FACE SLOWLY. Because Terry Bellefleur is the single most precious character on this show and I ADORE HIM.
12. Go Grannie Stackhouse! You bamf ghost. :D
13. Oh god, ANOTHER bizarre flashback scene? What ridiculous nonsense.
13.5. Keeng Beel's speech about the vampire history. LOL. Google and Faux "News"? Why not Halliburton and Facebook?
13.75. That said, capturing Marnie was smartly done, even if they've got her as a ghost prisoner. IDK IDK when that sorceress comes back into her, she's gonna eviscerate Keeng Beel's little palace.
14. I like Louis the Sheriff. He will probably die, then. Meh.
15. What's with the Chihuahua Jesus' grandfather had?
