loony_moony

Yes, my hairdresser sure seems to have an affinity to women. He gave me a scalp massage so thorough today that if he had started massging my nipples I would've been surprised at all. *coughhealmostdidcough*

On a less smutty note, my hair is black and shiny and pretty now bwahahaha. Will flaunt it tomorrow in the airport. >:D

This is the prettiest Yaoi I've ever seen. :)

ORLANDO BLOOM AND BILLY BOYD HUGGING IS THE MOST ADORABLE THING EVER GAH! :DDDD

*cough*

It's Holocaust memorial tomorrow morning. I just watched half of "The Pianist" on TV. I get it about Adrian Brody. I really do. Now can he please stop making movies that make me want to take a big bottle of Xanax?

I now happily own my first laptop! :D My father named it Alex, my mom named it Sasha, but I named it Alexis, because deep down it always wanted to be a she-laptop. ;) Now I'll be able to be online in the US! Happiness! :D

So, er, in light of recent Aussie laws, I have decided to do what I do best, which is to write a bunch of silly puns together in a way resembling a drabble. :)

Title: "Fuckity Fuck Fuck"
Writer: loony_moony
Pairing: Harry/Draco, not that you'll see it though.
Rating: R to the extreme because of the multiple cursing.
Warnings: Bad imitation of Australian everyday talking ahoy! The dear Aussies on my flist should not be offended just because the last Aussie I talked to was 8 years ago and he was my half-religious ex who never cursed and therefore am completely making this up. Because that's like Orlando Bloom being offended of Billy Crystal dressing as Legolas in the Oscar spoof. Totally meant to sound cheesy and bad.
Disclaimer: JKR owns teh Potter. Real people own themselves. I own the terrible puns.
Notes: I am not remotely Australian and thus couldn't care less about their pr0n laws. You can't jail me.

"Fuckity Fuck Fuck"

Harry walked down the vast, empty hallways of Hogwarts when a hand suddenly came as if out of nowhere and snatched him into an empty classroom. Since it was not the first or even thousandth time Harry Potter has been abducted in such a bad fanfic-ish way before, he turned around and fixed a glare at the offending owner of said Hand. Sure enough, it was Draco Malfoy, just as he suspected. As if Snape, Ron, Hermione or even Pansy Parkinson would ever be so clumsy in their horniness.
"Malfoy, this cannot keep going like this."
"Potter". A hiss, a glare, and of course, a hard on. Malfoy's writers were so predictable sometimes. "I said I would get you, didn't I. I told you right at the end of OotP I'd get you, and now I have! Bwahahaha!"
Harry raised an eyebrow. "Really. So this is supposed to intimidate me, even after the lack of descirption of your other wand (Draco covered the tight front of his pants), the usage of a fandom term and the Voldemort-ish cackling? I am not impressed."
Next thing he knew he was pushed against the hard, cold wall. "I'll show you impressed, Potter." And then Malfoy shoved his hands down Potter's pants, whereupon he suddenly vanished. Then Harry was suddenly pressed against the wall by the sheer weight of a very tall, sinewy-muscular, gorgeous piece of a male species.
"Oy! Writer! Will you lay off the bad superlatives and say who the fuck is currently crushing my spine against the bloody fucking wall?"
After making sure there was an audible crack from the proximity of Harry's ribs ("OW!") and when the writer finally felt vindicated, the tall man took a step back.
"IAN THORPE?"
Indeed it was the Thorpedo himself. "FUCK. FUCKITY FUCK FUCK. That's the third time this morning!"
"Er, what?"
"Third time this morning I say! Will people stop making me fucking crash your bloody face onto flat fuckin' surfaces already? I have swim practice!"
"Crush me onto....flat surfaces?"
"FUCKIN' OATH. EVERYTIME SOME BUGGER OF A WRITER TRIES TO WRITE SMUT WITH YOU BLOODY TEENAGER I KEEP POPPING INSTEAD!"
"Er, not that I remember you doing that, but why?"
"FUCKING AUSSIE LAW. CAN'T LET 'EM WRITE PORN WIF TEENS NOW CAN THEY. SO THEY FUCKIN PLANT ME INSTEAD. LAST TIME I WAS JUST CHANGING TO MY SPEEDOS. AND YOU WERE CHAINED. MENTAL SCARS, MATE. I AM STRAIGHT!"
"Yeah right, with all the schmearing you did on Peter Van Den Hoogeband last Olympic games. Er, wait. Must make the writer stop writing bullshit for a second. Why should I bloody care about Aussie laws? I was just going to get o---"
"DON'T SAY IT. ARE YOU DEAF OR SOEMTHIN' OR DO YOU WANT THE ENTIRE AUSSIE SWIM TEAM ON YOUR BACK?"
Harry's eyes widened. The writer didn't want to extend the reason for that.
"So every time an Aussie writer tries to make me do something with anyone, I keep getting you instead? What happens to Draco then?"


---In the lockeroom of the Australian Swim Team---
"OH MY GOD NAKED GORGEOUS MEN."

Before I make Amanuensis wish my perfectly horrible demise, I have two recs! :D

Fic - 'Modulations' by zarah5

It's Harry/Draco, it's the first chapter of a WIP (turn your eyes, non WIP readers!), and it feels so good. I have a hunch this one's going to be a classic. How many Post-GoF-feeling-like fics have you read lately? :D

Art - An incredibly cute Snape art by aubadere

The participation in mctabby 's post was so worth it. :D

And now for the main event!

( See me summarizing some of my favourite Amanuensis fics into annoying short passages! )

*waits for the horde of elephants that are surely on their way to smash her into tiny bits*